redders: (H/W - Newspaper)
Okay so I am incredibly slow and just started (and finished) watching That Mitchell and Webb Look and I KNOW I was warned what with the sketch about Black Adder and the depressing endings to comedy shows

BUT WHY

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME

GUYS

WHY
redders: (maka maka - bwee!)
Aaaah! On the fic front, someone just asked if they could AND THEN TOTALLY DID translate one of my stories.

This may or may not be totally old hat to some of you writer-y people, but it is new and shiny and very lovely to me; and even better (given the timeline of the story and all), it was the very friendly and awesome [livejournal.com profile] ninaza translating Searchlight to Russian. Awesome conversations on history education abounded. :D

Other fic news: I've been posting and editing more to AO3. The only story that I've never linked to over here that's now up is the (rather maudlin for my tastes) second-person FTM!Sherlock whatsit that I wrote ages ago, A Room Untended. But if you've not read other old things, like my circa 2007 ACD fics, they're slowly being posted: Jingleporn and that one untitled HDM crossover are now up. I continue to slowly post PWKM fills over there, as well.
redders: (H/W - domesticity)
I was about to say something like, "oh, I didn't put this off that long" before I realized... Oh man, this poor story. I guess I wrote it in August? Well um let's just forget about that. Time for magical handwaving: just believe this is a brand new story, and you've never seen it before. You've certainly never seen it buried in the depths of part one of the Sherlock BBC kinkmeme.

Cut for author's notes )

---

Direct to fic. Probably mild spoilers through the end of The Great Game, rated M for sexytimes and somewhat mild D/s sensibilities, I think? Mention of Sherlock rummaging through strap-ons? I'm probably not even sure any longer. )
redders: (iorek!)
One of these days I'll start editing things in a timely fashion, though I think three months isn't as bad as my usual five-to-six month wait period.

Much love to betas [livejournal.com profile] k_haldane and [livejournal.com profile] metron_ariston for being a lot more speedy with edits than I, and also for being understanding when I start mixing imperial and metric and being silly amounts of American? Any last mistakes are all me.

Cut for more author's notes, including original prompt )

---

Direct to fic. Spoilers through end of Sherlock series. )
redders: (iorek!)
So, I have recently come to terms with three things:

1) I am seriously disorganized
2) I am addicted to writing anonymously, mainly due to severe levels of writer's anxiety
3) I am too lazy to edit, make titles, or repost anything pretty much ever.

This is all bad news, as it all adds up to me completely forgetting that I write--ever? As you all know by now, me writing is rare enough that I hardly need issues posting what little I get out there.

So, I've finally decided to compile all my writing under one post. This is already half-heartedly accomplished on my memories, but the way I write subject headings makes it nearly impossible to know what you're clicking. Also, I am posting straight-to-meme links to any fics over two years of age that I still haven't edited/de-anoned. This isn't to say I've posted all of them--a dude needs his shameful kink secrets, some fills are only three sentences long, and there's some younger fics I'm maintaining will be edited one day--but most. If there's any issues accessing anything, or if you notice I forgot something, please comment and I'll update the links. Also, please do let me know if I don't warn for something you think I should be warning for on any fic, as I think my threshold is set a bit high. Honestly, there should be a warning for this entire post--just the descriptions are bad enough, half the time. Finally, not linking to anything from anything earlier than '05, because I just don't know about the 1998... I was sort of fifteen? Sorry, no Cid/Vincent!

One day I swear I'll start uploading these to AO3, where I can also be found. See above for the whole "motivation to edit and post" thing, though.

Sorted by fandom alphabetically, then roughly by posting date. For the record, when I write pairings, order does not indicate anything (ex: Phoenix/Edgeworth will still have Edgeworth smacking Phoenix about). I'll be adding when I actually remember to write/edit... Or when I let writing I've already posted on new memes sit about for two years, underedited and lonely?

Comments remain awesome to me, even on very old fics.

Blake's 7 )

Gyakuten Saiban (Ace Attorney series) )

House )

Sherlock Holmes - original canon, ACD, whatever you call it? )

Sherlock - BBC series )

X-Men: First Class )
redders: (holmes - book)
Last night [livejournal.com profile] deadtrain and I got out to see Kick-Ass. Without all that teen romance and bad mafia omg! stuff it might have been pretty awesome; certainly it would have been a lot better without the homo- and transphobic comments (which to be honest, such comments are so endemic with pop culture that it seemed to be artistically honest to have them in there on a certain level, but really filmmakers thanks for being part of the problem!). Actually what would have been great would have been two hours of Big Daddy and Hit Girl, continuously pressing my "Single Slovenly Dad with Tragic Past and Also Zany Daughter" button as hard as Persona-or-GS-4. I also like foulmouthed bloodthirsty children in film. Judge if you like! If you really like that sort of thing, maybe sneak in for the parts where that occurs?

Also the lead starts to look a bit like Tarrant (well with 30% less teeth) after he's been punched in the face a few times. I mean they're a bit similar when bloodied up, not that punching that kid makes him look like a non-bloody Tarrant. Mainly, however, you will just be seeing that same story about Some White Geek Boy Is Actually NOT GAY And Look He Is Now Dating The Prettiest Girl Dude Dating In High School = NOT GAY, which is kind of ehhhh. It'd be nice if a movie dealt more with actual themes of what it means to be perceived as queer and maybe about how hetero/cis folks can also be very much screwed by systemic homo/transphobia. It would also be very nice to have a movie about Big Daddy getting married to his old partner and having them argue about how to raise a child less irresponsibly, with lots of knife fight scenes, but that's not going to happen either.

Afterward we got beers and proceeded to figure out last week's movie fiesta (we'd gone to see The Cremaster Cycle--yes the whole thing, all 8+ hours--last Sunday) and I got very drunk and played with some cats and passed out, and the next morning was bummed because I thought that this one certain post was gone from a comm. Not that I actually have anything to add to it, unfortunately, as at the point I'd make commentary, it's driven the car way off the Cliff of Staying On-Topic. But as I seem to have thoughts in my head and it's something I feel like writing about I will do so in my most special lifejournal.

Like everything else, it's all a problem of definition. Slash, sexuality, queerness, and the folks who love to attempt describing them. )

In conclusion: angst is fun and all, but I don't think a H/W with an asexual Holmes needs to go there, and honestly reading something where there's some cuddles and Holmes being like ARE YOU DONE IN THE BATHROOM YET FFS would be awesome?
redders: (holmes - punching)
I don't care what anyone else says! After seeing the trailer, I know only two things:

-NEEDS MOAR EXPLOSIONS
-WATSON NEEDS TO HIT MOAR THINGS

...In other news, it'll be okay? Haha, I admit RDJ isn't the perfect Holmes, but considering how many WTFBBQ Watsons we've dealt with it's not too off.

VICTORIAN TAZERS, hahahaha. I'm excited for Holmesian tazer-porn, coming this December!

Yep.

Nov. 21st, 2008 06:39 pm
redders: (H/W - domesticity)
Last night I dreamt that I found a Holmes anthology from 1925. "Exciting!" I thought, "I'm buying this!"

I got it home, and flipping through it, I found the art pretty enjoyable. It was sort of a "Paget drops some absinthe and sleeps with Beardsley" sort of thing, and it was all well and good for a while, until I realized...

The artist had absolutely no conception of how the outside world worked. None! Every picture was drawn well enough, but if it took place outside of a sitting room, there was just something fundamentally wrong with the image. Trees grew from above, dogs had that sort of quality illustrations of manatees once did, and all the plant matter had an awful lot of right angles.

So I spent the rest of the dream scanning it in and emailing it everywhere.

I was making an icon from the image of Watson holding an umbrella while Holmes and Irene Adler were being pelted by laser rain which emits from the sun and typing the caption "WHO'S GOT THE UMBRELLA NOW, BITCH" when I woke up.

...Even in my dreams, I'm finding ridiculous capslocky ways to avoid final papers.
redders: (methos and cookies)
Okay, so I have recently isolated one of the biggest culprits re: never getting anything done on time this quarter, and that is EPIC KINK MEMES. Seriously, Phoenix Wright porn: why you gotta be eating all my time like this (and also you're not the only ones, come on other kink memes)?

Which got me to thinking: you know, WHY BOTHER WITH SCHOOL? I need more porn! And certain other fandoms of mine, well... They need places for people to anonymously supply me with porn? R-right?

So, uh, long story short: I made a Holmes-fandom kinkmeme? I mean, worst-case scenario is a languishing el jay, which would be a totally novel phenomenon. But don't let it happen! Join me in pimping this. I'm sure you've got some pal who's just dying to write me some fic to make that parental control on Sherlock Hound worthwhile completely normal bondage fic?

Oh, and to make this post worthwhile for the rest of us: HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT? Seriously! I just saw it when meeting a pal at a video rental store. My mind was more or less blown--even more so for the fact that it was out of stock. Who's renting this!? And why do Highlander villains always have a cracked-out "let's release a deadly virus! :D" plan? Come on, guys. Do something original, like... I don't know, carving your initials on the moon with a giant laser.
redders: (hotdog)
Do you ever have those situations where you're able to tell yourself, quite confidently, "I told you so?" Yesterday, a guy wandered into work... And who would it be but Junky Charles Manson, who, with his "can-I-use-your-phone" visit, reminded me that yes, life in the boarding-house is now Officially Totally Hilarious!

For those of you not on the flist at the time, when I first moved into my own place in Seattle (almost three years ago now), it was into a particularly crazy boarding-house. Junkie Charles Manson, who looks about like what you'd expect, was somehow hired by my slumlord LL to repair his several houses, a job which appeared to mostly consist of being drunk and yelling at various intervals, and occasionally duct-taping electrical cords together. Man, he really brought me back... Why, there was the time my neighbors caused an electrical fire which got into their mattress, and nearly burnt the house down; the time that these guys upstairs punched out a window and some teeth; the fact that I could only eat non-perishables or at restaurants, as anything in the fridge was fair game after one hour... And, most famously: The Guy Who Seriously Lived On A Chair In The Kitchen, and The Time My Then-SO Found Several Bloody Rags In The Shower, And I Was So Desensitized That I Just Said "Oh, It Happens," And Went Back To Sleep. Back then, I thought it pretty terrible, but always would reassure myself... "You'll laugh when this is over!"

...Hee.

As for today... for some reason, today decided to be a constant portal into a world of hilarity, starring Lestrade )

Oh, and in news formulated as an insult: your bones are made of sperm and all your termites are cockroaches.
redders: (brideshead - bear)
Well, I didn't get far!

From the intro of Shadows...: "The deerstalker hat, the tobacco-filled slipper on the mantel... the image conjured, whether of Basil Rathborne, Jeremy Irons..."

I... Well, after researching, I guess it WOULD be a pretty memorable performance! Thank you, crack-addled editors, for bringing a bit of completion in my life with the knowledge that Jeremy Irons has played not only Holmes, but a Way Gay Holmes.
redders: (iorek!)
Alright. I plead for clemency re: posting more slash here, because--joke's on you, flist--this is pre-slash. Booyah!

Seriously, though, this is one of those stories that will probably always shame me. The folks I more or less wrote it for fancied it, though, so I'm going to give public posting a go with it--after all, I don't like anything I've done, really, so who am I to judge? And honestly, it's not as if my glittering reputation as Guy Who Wrote Squidfic can be sullied.

Still, something about it just isn't 100% to me. I'm not stylistically a terrific writer, but I think what I do have was terribly compromised by an attempt to shove together two very different books.

Onward to more author's notes. )

-

Or, straight to the HDM/SH crossover horror. )
redders: (holmes - punching)
Okay, so I swear to the rest of my flist: I will seriously start posting this garbage to the website instead soon! This is it, I promise!

But for everyone else, it's silly I-wrote-this-on-my-breaks-at-work Holmesporn.

Really very long-winded author's notes )

Or, just skip to the porn: The Problem of the Infatuated Inspector. Adult, just to be sure, but fairly tame. )
redders: (kazuma jackfrost)
Happy Chinese New Year, all! It's the Year of the Boar, also, which is my year. I keep pretending as if this will help me remember how old I'm going to turn in June (for some reason, it is apparently too boring of a number to remember) and trying to add Chinese New Year cycles--then believing them to come in thirteen-year cycles, and thinking "Man, twenty-six? I thought I'd remember turning twenty-five..."

This makes me extra-determined to gift myself with my fourth tattoo around my birthday. You can laugh or disdainfully frown all you like, but it's been five years since my last one, and now it's serious urges! I don't have a solid design yet, but I've long wanted both a dog-related tattoo (I'm a dorky dog mom, currently with empty nest syndrome), and a squid tattoo. I have ideas for both, but it's best not to truly "fix" on something until you meet up with an artist with your sensibilities, who has a better idea of how things look on a shin or an arm. I'll get both one day, but:

[Poll #930278]

Also, today I found that Scarecrow had Region 1 copies of the Russian Holmes after all! I thought they only had Region 5 DVDs, but they were just out last I was there. Gay fest tomorrow!

All day I kept hilariating myself at work, because I forgot the name of a canon character when writing something (hopefully to be posted tomorrow, if not tonight, though it is really very silly!) on a break, and just filled in "Jarvis Cocker," because I knew it was J. Cocker or Crocker or something.*

A customer called me on my good mood, saying, "Wow, what's your secret? You're just so dang happy!"

I said something about just being a cheerful person, as I'm sure she didn't want the truth of my mental image of Dr. John Watson totally crushing on Jarvis Cocker!

*Yes, problem solved c/o having books here at home, just sadly lacking at work.
redders: (holmes - bath)
Alright, so, while I made a noble effort to hide this in a thread on Holmesslash, it has become clear to me that people are finding it anyway. I'd leave it hidden, too--I'm pretty much posting this for the benefit of tidying the intarwebs, as it's good to have all one's stories, crack (or KRAK, har har)-addled or not, in one central locale. Although I must admit, I kind of feel sorry doing so on this journal... Most of you dudes really don't care about my bizarre obsession with Holmesian pornography!

Even if you all already know I'm on serious crack, I'd like to defend myself. One, this is entirely the fault Holmesslash's intrepid mod, Lyrical Soul, who asked for squid porn. Two, I wrote it in fifteen to twenty minutes, just as a joking reply, and mainly to procrastinate on writing my case studies. Three, I... I'd like to say that however geeky combining Holmes-slash with my love of cephalopods is, this dude combines his love of cephalopods with philately, which is at least 1-2% more nerdy. Surely!

So, here it is. Non-porn squid-related Holmesfic. Actually, scratch that--I really wouldn't call this thing an honest "story." Don't question my physics (they don't work), and only very gently mock my characterisations (because they're a I've-been-reading-anatomy-texts-for-three-hours interpretation), because it's all just pretty "fifteen minutes."

Oh, and now with cheesy title. When in doubt, play bad puns on canon stories!

So. One tentacle. Two men. 750+ words. And, apparently, London's Biggest Bathtub? )
redders: (bbc condom)
Typical seasonal wind and rain coupled with the fact that I've reached the "eh, I've done enough to slack" point with studies bring you today's embarrassing evidence I wrote too many compare/contrast essays in grade school showdown review.

That's right, gents. It is on.

Eight rounds, one winner: 1937's 'Silver Blaze' vs. 1982's 'Partners'. )

So, 1500 words later, what have we learned? That John Hurt + crack actors = win. Dear directors of the world: if you make some Sherlockian movie with John Hurt as some client/evil dude, I will pay you millions of dollars.

If you're worried about the tricky business of casting a Holmes or a Watson, don't be.

You don't have to show their faces.
redders: (Default)
I was wandering about on a walk yesterday, when I was filled with a Sudden Urge to go to this one bookstore. It's not far from my place, but I generally don't go there, as I've been attempting to do the saving-money thing. So, I went over, and found--despite the fact that I've never seen DVDs there at all--volume four of Meitantei Holmes. For four bucks, win! Good job, finely-honed Holmesdar. None of the episodes on this disc were actually directed by Miyazaki (only episodes 3-5 and 9-11 were) but I remember liking The Three Students episode a lot... I guess I'll have to re-watch them, and giggle like the twelve-year-old I am when I have to enter that parental control code on the PS2.

Other than that, I've been generally busy with work and the new quarter... My anatomy class takes place from 5:30 to 9 PM on Mondays and Wednesdays. That's three and a half hours of solid anatomy*--and our class "break" is walking from the lecture room to lab. I don't know--my brain is only really good for two hours of anatomy, and the last half is basically my brain writing itself porn to keep awake. At least I'll have three days a week off from work, after all--I can work 32 hours per week and still keep my benefits--which means I'll be quite poor, but at least can limit myself to one nervous breakdown this quarter, as opposed to the two I had actually penciled in.

And [livejournal.com profile] metron_ariston, I got your present today--the mail was backed-up and slow this week. Will I now be forced into a love for sibling porn? And the extremely-phallic turn-of-the-century cigar ad is the best. Thanks! You'll also be happy to hear that the wounded leg (which is MRSA-free) is looking much better today.

And the quickening picture is on the BBC front page right now.

*Unintentional dirtiness, again!
redders: (maurice - sexxorz)
Okay, I have finally decided that this story is, in no way, ever going to be justifiable. Even if I spent months editing it, it would pretty much only get more crap as we get further away from X-mas. Apparently, I live under the assumption that all will forgive my pointless porn in the spirit of the holidays.

Other notes about this:

-Watson turned out pretty submissive here! This wasn't really my intent, it just kind of happened. It's all good, though--on Boxing Day, he horsewhips Holmes while Mrs. Hudson gets the day off! Everyone wins.

-There's... really no plot. At all. And even the sex is pretty dodgy at best. Honestly, dudes, I've done no non-homework writing in over a year, and this is my first Holmes/Watson. And it shows.

-Everyone should thank [livejournal.com profile] liederlady221b, because she took me aside and told me things like, "God, even Watson wouldn't write a sentence that long." Also, [livejournal.com profile] metron_ariston, sorry I tried to attack you in the face with this thing? Any bonus mistakes are all me.

-Still couldn't come up with a title, as all the really lazy H/W Christmas titles are already taken. So, feel free to think "Jingleporn" all you want, as that's pretty much where I'm at.

-Usual copyright info here, I don't own anything, etc. Also, all feedback is welcome. Honestly, please pick this apart.

And cut for the 90% of my friends-list that could care less. Sorry dudes! And it's all NC-17-like, so don't read this at work. Or, um, ever? )
redders: (holmes - punching)
Man, this apartment is good for the crack dreams.

Last night I had a pretty long dream in which I was just clicking around Wikipedia (wow, I'm glad my subconscious mind holds no illusions as to how exciting my life is) and it kept randomly getting porny. And not really in a bad way, just in a kind of bzuh? way... For example, you'd be reading on some entry about DNA, and it would just suddenly segue from the real entry to say something like, "Of course, many of the scientists involved in DNA research celebrated their discoveries by holding elaborate parties. There, often ignoring professionalism, their usual sexual orientation, or the fact that many were married, they would often engage in wild sexual orgies, the likes of which those not in the then-cutting-edge field of genetic research would rarely see." The entry would then describe some sexxorz, then go right back to the "normal" entry. This was the case in all the articles in my dream, and I was looking at everything from Venn diagrams (dang, John Venn was a kinky bastard!) to articles about eighties television. One of the entries which even frustrated me in the dream was that for The Adventure of the Red Circle. I really don't remember this as being a particularly gay story, but in the dream-entry, there was a heading for "Trivia." And under the trivia section, it just said: "The Granada Television adaptation chose to omit the sex scene between Watson and Holmes, due to concern about censorship laws." What? Where is this sex-scene copy of Red Circle?

Anyway, speaking of shameless porn in the real world, I am working on some Christmassy porn. It is Holmes/Watson, naturally, and it's pretty much just Porn Porn Shameless Porn. However, I would like a beta? In the off-chance someone on my flist would be willing, this is your official plea.

Interested persons can also log into AIM every few minutes and whack me with bricks to make sure I'm finishing up. I'm luckily trapped in the apartment all day, waiting for the postal worker to hopefully deliver [livejournal.com profile] aruru's Christmas cheer, so chances look okay for maybe getting a rough copy done tonight.

ETA: this just in--the mailman delivered the package! Screw porn, I've got Phoenix Motherfucking Wright to play!

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redders: (Default)
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